loosie: words: An Uninspired Attack

An Uninspired Attack

Lousy dialogue ruins racist kill-fest.

by B.D. | 2002.10.19

Brooklyn's Steven Johnson may have entered New York's Bar Veloce with an arsenal of guns, a Samurai sword, a container of kerosene and a hundred plastic handcuffs, but he subjected the nightspot's patrons to more than just the threat of a fiery and bullet-ravaged death. Spouting such hackneyed phrases as "now you're wearing a gas shirt" and "do you want to make it hot?," Johnson also brutally assaulted the artistic sensibilities of his victims.

If an individual goes through the trouble of amassing an array of weaponry and equipping himself with kneepads and a homemade catheter, it stands to reason that a little time could be reserved for writing decent material. It was almost as if Johnson, previously best-known for a bit role in Jay-Z's "Streets Is Watching", gleaned his dialogue from Lorenzo Lamas action movies.

Considering he must have known the press coverage that a racially motivated killing-spree would obviously generate, it is particularly troubling that Johnson wielded such clichéd drivel. Phrases such as "white people are going to burn tonight" absolutely reek with the stench of Schwarzeneggeresque bullshit.

In fact, Johnson would be right at home in this exchange from Arnold's "The Running Man":

BEN LIGHTS THE FLARE AND THROWS IT AT FIREBALL

Ben (in awkward Austrian accent): How 'bout a light?

Fireball: Ahhh!

BOOM! FLARE IGNITES ESCAPING FUEL AND THE TANK ON FIREBALL'S BACK EXPLODES

Ben (in clumbsy Alpine intonation): What a hot head.

It's certainly not difficult to imagine the berserk Johnson chiming in with "do you want to make it hot?" as Ben (played, of course, by Schwartzenegger) struggles with the flame-thrower carrying assassin.

But "The Running Man" is hardly the type of cinema to emulate if one knows his remarks will later be reported in print. Sure, Johnson may have thought that he was going to take the lives of everyone he spoke to, but a professional suicidal mass-murderer knows leaving at least one witness is imperative for the sake of posterity.

Unfortunately, the terror did not end with Johnson's arrest. Police later discovered a horrifying slogan scrawled on the wall of Johnson's house - "tell the boys in blue, I won't go easy."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Did Johnson anticipate a hostage standoff in which the police would speak to his children before he was brought down? Did he believe the police would be cowed into submission by the threat of a non-easygoing madman?

Either way, his use of "boys in blue" is unforgivable. It's common knowledge that such a phrase should only be used by hardboiled detectives or heavily scarred villains in vintage pulp novels. Even more disconcerting is Johnson's behavior after making the "I won't go easy" claim. Although he boasted like Tony Montana with a circulatory system pumped full of Escobar's finest, the gun-toting Johnson was tackled by two girls.

If you're planning a racist siege, at least have the courtesy to pen some original material. Especially if you've gone through the trouble of sticking a home-made catheter up your penis.