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Exclusive: Loosie Interviews Osama Bin Laden

The actor who plays the Al Qaeda leader tells all.

by B.D. | 2002.10.19

Without the long beard, flowing robe and dainty pillbox hat, James Loderhosen looks little like Osama bin Laden. Those dark piercing eyes and long lithe fingers are hardly enough to alert the casual observer that this forty-three year old Dutch-born actor is actually the world's most infamous terrorist.

I am first to arrive at Babbo, Mario Batali's Waverly Place restaurant. Eagerly awaiting both Loderhosen and the saffron panna cotta with poached quince and pink peppercorns, I keep my eyes glued to the door. Anticipating someone with an intense and formidable presence, I barely notice my guest until he's tableside and extending a sinewy hand in greeting. Although fairly tall, Loderhosen's hunched shoulders and demure expression make him appear rather inconspicuous. His thinning sandy hair and permanently raised eyebrows only add to his aura of benign unobtrusiveness. Hardy the appearance of the madman behind the World Trade Center attacks.

After heeding the sommelier's recommendation, we get down to business. He seems eager to share his remarkable tale with the Loosie Generation. Over squab liver ravioli and lamb's tongue vinaigrette salad, we discuss Lodenhosen's role as the most despised man in America.

After bit parts in such films as "Operation Dumbo Drop" and "Gleaming the Cube", you land the role of a lifetime. How?

To be honest, I was lucky. The studio had been aggressively courting Jimmy Smits or Antonio Sabato Jr. for the role. Bush and his casting directors really valued swarthiness in a villain. Ali Fleischer said I needed to do some tanning. My agent convinced them to take a flyer on me and my rudimentary Arabic really wowed them.

You speak Arabic?

Not really. I worked as a cabbie for a year or two after moving over here from Maastricht. I just picked up a lot of cursing and phrases to ward off African-American passengers.

Those are always handy slogans to know. What happened after you were selected for the role?

For one, I had no idea the makeup sessions were going to be so lengthy. They're gluing on beards, spraying me with swarthiness dyes. I liked the camouflage jackets, but the swarthiness syrup kept ruining the collars. Considering how big an operation this was, I was actually pretty unimpressed by the set-up. No trailer, no private bathroom and most days the food was catered by Arby's. In fact, most of the cave scenes were filmed in a parking lot behind an Arby's. Oh, and fellow Dutchman Paul Verhoeven did a lot of the directing.

Did you know Arby's is an acronym for "Rafell Brothers", not "roast beef?"

No, I didn't know that.

It's true. The acronym is for "Rafell Brothers", not "roast beef".

So you've said.

Yes, I did say that.

Yes, you did.

Right. So, was it tough to get into character? After all, you were supposed to be the most feared man in the world.

Well, I played a foreign jewel thief in a made-for-TV movie with Ted Danson, so I'm no stranger to immersing myself into the realm of ultimate evil. One time, after I had just finished a particularly vicious anti-United States rant, I attempted to set an American flag on fire. Luckily, only Paul Voerhoever was badly burned. He lost an eye, but it wasn't the one he puts in the camera.

Let me be the first to say fuck Paul Voerhoeven and his gimp eye. The response has been terrific, hasn't it?

I guess a few people were pleased. I've heard there was footage of people cheering in the Palestinian occupied territories right after it was announced that he lost the eye.

No, we're talking about your role as Osama bin Laden.

Oh, the response has been remarkable. I've really cashed in on merchandising. The revenues from the t-shirts, wanted posters and Internet video games have probably paid me more than the film. And I like my pockets fat and not flat. Plus, I had this great idea for a televised talent show for up-and-coming young comedians called "Osama's Been Laughing", but there are obviously some powerful people trying to hold me back.

Do you think the controversial nature of your work has limited some of your marketing possibilities?

Without question. Like six federal agents came and escorted me out of an Arby's in-store appearance. There was a cute cashier who was giving me the old in-and-out eye, too.

Are you in danger of being typecast as a maniacal Islamic extremist?

It works both ways. It might be harder to ink a deal for a romantic comedy opposite Heather Graham now, but I doubt that I would have been able to reunite with Ted Danson on a future episode of "Becker" where I play a hilarious and murderous Muslim cleric.

I've never seen "Becker" in its entirety.

It's still on though, right?

I'm not sure. Are we going to see future appearances of Osama?

You very well might. With Bush's popularity sagging, we need to get this whole "war" thing rolling again. It's great -- I go out there and mutter a little Arabic garble and the President's approval rating skyrockets. It makes me feel very important. Like Dick Cheney important.

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