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Hip Hop’s Microwave Sex Symbols According the the appraising eye of D.L.C., rappers ain't really that cute. America's incessant bloodlust for sex symbols - those considered perfect of face and body by some unusually ridiculous standard - can be traced back to the days of black and white films, cheesecake pictorials and good old-fashioned hormones. From the Silver Screen to the comfy confines of the boob tube – pun not intended, we've always pined and fawned over the beautiful people. However, some female fans of Hip Hop and R&B are taking things a bit too far with the premature sex symbol declarations. Case in point: Formerly portly and current shit-popping hot rap artist, 50 Cents, has been enjoying a slow burning type of success all year. With a hit song, “Wanksta” on the airwaves and finally getting the video treatment, he’s suddenly become the talk of strip mall-browsing black women nationwide – we’re sure a white gal or two is on the bozack as well. You hear it on the trains and buses throughout the hood. “50 Cents is fine, girl” “Did you see his arms in that tank top, ya’ll?” – 50’s getting the LL Cool J level of props here. We at Loosie like to call this the Microwave Sex Symbol condition. Blame on it the makeup artist, blame it on the stylist – hell, blame Hype Frickin’ Williams all we care. We’re of the mindset that these type of hasty accolades need to be halted pronto. This isn’t to say that, in someone’s bizzaro world, 50 Cent wouldn’t be the cat’s meow. However, some female fans of Hip Hop have got some explaining to do. The late rapper, Big Pun, with all respect due, was one hefty son of a gun. A former slim-built model, Pun ballooned upwards to the tune of 400 plus pounds at one point due to overindulgence. Again, the women had kind words – and we’re convinced that his hit song status had much to do with it. “Girl, he ain’t THAT big”, “If I got on top, I’d prolly do it”, “I mean he STILL is cute, though”. Please. Let’s be real ladies. If Pun were to be seen rocking the subway janitor fits, he’d get little in the way of love. He’d get a hell of a lot of sneers and we know it. What is it about the video that fools women into thinking average looking men are the hottest things in a pair of Air Force-1s? Platinum-selling rap artist, Nelly, is part of a select group of entertainers whose fame gets him the “sexy guy by luck” pass. Fabolous, Ludacris, Jahiem, Justin Timberlake (the token white) and Jay-Z round out the Tweener Team. We’re giving honorable mention to feuding rappers, the yellow of teeth DMX and pint-sized, gravelly-voiced rapping raisinet Ja Rule. Let’s be real, F-A-B resembles a Ferengi, Ludacris looks like a gold-toothed, afro-wearing rat, Jahiem is a crooning ex-convict, Justin Timberlake shares the likeness of a frightened bird and Nasty Nas already pointed out that Brooklyn’s Not-So-Finest rapper has the unflattering profile of a desert animal. We don’t profess to understand the psychological reasons behind this troubling phenomenon. We just really want the women out there to be honest and really speak to the real reasons why they sweat these rap and R&B cats so wet. Is it the money? Is it the fact they’re freshly dipped? Is it the whole unattainable factor? Whatever the reasons, we’re going to see issue with this until the guy working the fries gets his well overdue shine too. Read more articles in Arts » |
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