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17 Homeless Loosie Magazine gives back to NYC's homeless community after taking so much. The Practice It’s a sweltering afternoon in the East Village’s Thompkin’s Square. Under the sun and heavy heat rests a lazy day. A newly wed couple wanders sleepily through the park. They are watched by a thin Chinese Man on a bench who is an obvious virgin. Nearby skaters waste the day making shameful attempts at landing tricks. But this is all ruined as a herd of grubby vagrants gallop across the beaten grass. They fan out, each digging in harder, leaving a cloud of dust in their collective wake. Their soiled arms pump hard and their gaunt faces cringe with the effort. The skaters drop their boards and crane their necks in search of the sluggish undercover cop in pursuit. But the NYPD is nowhere to be found. So they squint ahead of the homeless stampede, scanning for the pusherman downwind. But there is only a ten-foot by six-foot metal soccer goal with a ghoulish looking goalie standing guard. The stampede angles in, prompting the bushy-haired keeper to drop his shoulders and bend his frail knees. A hobbit-sized black man breaks from the pack. He pushes the ball ahead, weaving around a fire hydrant and forging towards the gaping mouth of the goal. He lets the ball fly. It surges past the crazy man’s outstretched arms and nestles into the corner of the net. The Ambassadors America’s foreign ambassadors are traditionally plucked from the ranks of the nation’s most powerful men. In a sweet twist of fate, America’s grimiest and most mentally ravaged residents will act as New York’s international spokesmen on July 7th. Drafted from the foul hordes that dwell in the twisted underground bowels of the old World Trade Towers, doze on the grassy knolls of Thompkin’s Square and lurk in the thickets of the Gowanus, a squadron of New York’s homeless will take the soccer field in Graz, Austria and attempt to bring “home” the first World Street Soccer Homeless Soccer Cup. In Austria, the strung-out White Man will shoot goals instead of heroin. The young and emaciated Black Man will softly pass soccer balls instead of crackpipes. And the fat greasy Mexican Man will retreat not from blue clad cops but from the blond and blue-eyed homeless German Nazis. Loosie Wednesdays Last Wednesday night 17 Home became 17 Homeless. On a balmy evening rich with the scent of disenfranchised aspirations, Loosie Magazine hosted the official fundraiser event for the U.S. Homeless Soccer Team. Sickened by the notion of its nation’s team lacking jockstraps, passports and shin guards, Loosie Magazine encouraged its celebrity laden readership to strut down The Home’s red carpet and slug back free Tiger beers. And, as usual, blowing lines in the White Room and groping tits in the Basement’s shadows was encouraged. The Star While Spec fidgeted, a short Haitian moved low to the floor, crisscrossing the dark, packed front room. He wore a gleaming deranged smile and giddily shook hands at every invitation. His left hand gripped a stack of black and white street publications while his right hand hovered high, ready to tap the shoulder of any passing bar patron. But his eager attempts to peddle newspapers were shrugged off by the patrons who slid off to the bar and left the poor Haitian madly pointing at a mounted photo of himself flashing through the air to strike a soccer ball past a waiting goalie. The Haitian was a star. The Operation The Loosie Braintrust had the night’s operation down to a T. Grimy worked the front door while Meka and Brainchild giggled and manned the turntables. Meanwhile, Guin and Spec Boogie whipped the largely upscale Eastside crowd into a frothy fervor. From behind the bar an enraged Jamal looked on and a nearby Gary floundered with a rum and coke. Desus grinned. In the White Room a jetlagged PHN swept across the floor captivating the Loosie lesbian legion with a set of tantalizing hip dips. The lesbians marked their delight with a hearty roar. PHN smiled deliciously. Outside on the sidewalk bedlam ensued as Hypnotic arrived to a throng of groping paws and desperate shrieks. Gyrating down the red carpet in a tight promotional Spec Boogie “Grow” t-shirt, Hypnotic was just another superstar showing her support for New York’s Homeless Soccer Team. Read more articles in Movements » |
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