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Keeping it Qaeda After much debate, terrorists decide on a plan to attack the hypothetical Freedom Tower. After months of tense deliberations and arguments over differences in creative vision, al Qaeda has finally arrived at a plot to destroy the blueprints for the yet-to-be-constructed Freedom Tower. Torn between Mullah Omarís desire to concoct a wildly spectacular attack and Osama bin Labenís wish for a stratagem rooted in staid commemoration and deep reverence for the 2001 WTC assault, the two architects of terror agreed on a combination of the divergent theories. Omar suggested piloting small remote-control planes into the three-foot cardboard model structures of the Freedom Tower complex and then crumpling up a full-color printout of the possible skyscraper and "throwing it in Rumsfeldís orc face." Bin Laden was in favor of sending viruses and/or threatening AIM messages to the computer housing the 3D Max program used to create the prospective blueprints. After much discussion, the two Qaeda schemers found common ground in their belief that something "really wacky" should happen to the computer-generated renderings of the towering metal latticework that will crown the building in the future. In compromise, it was decided the most effect method of terror will be to send small remote control planes into the computer of the Freedom Towerís designer at the precise moment when architects Daniel Libeskind and David Childs are about to hit ìsaveî on their Macintosh PowerBooks. According to Qaeda spokespeople, the goal of the attack, tentatively scheduled for some time in 2004, is to "bring the proposed 1,776-foot structure to its knees with a 1000:1 scale jihad". The designs of the 70 floors and its wind-harvesting turbines are expected to be at the mercy of a battalion of 24-inch Hobbico NexStar RC aircraft. While Qaeda operatives are still undecided as to whether or not it will be possible to find small enough Arabs to pilot the airborne projectiles, it has been determined that the sides of each craft will be adorned with a miniature "cheesecake" painting of Mohammed Atta lounging in heaven with 40 male virgins massaging him with humus. Original plans to mimic the successful tactics used against the American invaders in Iraq have all but been scrapped, much to the chagrin of Baathist insurgents. "They definitely could have put together a Testors Model DonkeyCart with Rocket Launchers," said a member of the Black Pajamas who requested anonymity. Read more articles in Movements » |
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