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Flesh Peddlers

Inside the second annual New York City Burlesque Festival.

by B.D. | 2004.05.20

Yes, there has been a resurgence in the New York City burlesque scene. Women are strolling down boulevards in sequined thongs, traipsing through causeways while twiddling pasties between their thumbs and curled forefingers and daintily frolicking on Z-train subway poles like otters around toppled birches. Sailors returning from fighting Qaeda ne’er-do-wells on the high seas lumber through the Lower East Side cobblestones agog and drool with noses pressed to The Slipper Room's curtained windows. It almost seems like McKinley is back in the White House. It’s all very erotic.

For the uninitiated Philistine, burlesque is different from straight up stripping in that the gallivanting gals rarely – if ever – allow audience members to insert rolled dollar bills into their vaginas. Greasy champagne room dome sessions (a la The Wedge) are also non-existent. But it’s not about the sex, see. It’s about the seduction. Even if this ideology lodges a bullet in the scalp of the slim possibility of a happy ending that makes skrip clubs meaningful, it means males can chalk off the watching of moneymaker shaking as artistic appreciation. It’s a handy gambit if you’re too much of a pansy too tell your woman you’re going to spend an evening looking at twitching titties and cascading rumps.

On May 14th, Avalon (formerly the Limelight) hosted the second annual New York Burlesque Festival and 40-some prancing performers. “I realized that there was only one other burlesque festival in the world and that was Tease-o-Rama in California and it just seemed like common sense to start one in New York,” says the event’s organizer, Jen “Thirsty Girl” Gapay. “This year’s festival was much more successful then last year’s, especially in the performance quality -- there are so many new performers that the old ones really stepped it up a couple notches. It just keeps getting better and better. We went to 3 bigger venues then last year and got a 10% increase in turnout from last year.”

As Loosie always does, we arrived late, sliding in at 11:40 for the 7:00 to midnight affair. With Murray Hill, a chunky lady with a comical false mustache in the role of emcee, a mix of earnest burlesque fans and confused guidos eagerly awaiting the nightclub’s regular Saturday night house-music fare clustered into the venue’s main room to ogle semi-nude dancers. “The art crowd, the gay crowd, the rockabilly crowd, the festish crowd and any other alternative crowd really has embraced burlesque,” says Gapay. “I believe that in hard times, people look for new ways to have a good time and forget their problems. I think burlesque's rising popularity is somewhat a reflection of the hard times we live in. People are looking for a new way to escape reality. Baby, burlesque is the new drag!”

Fittingly, the first act we were privy to see was Tigger, a glittered up drag queen who took long swings from a bottle of whiskey while spouting a tremendously entertaining rant about how New York City is turning into the rest of America. S/he had a great line that had something to do with bad tippers and maybe dogs, but we forgot the exact specifics that made it so memorable. Then the bastard screamed about New York still being the best city in the universe and wrenched off the flapping pages of tabloid newspaper that concealed his thong. As the crowd yelped in frenzied appreciation, the cross-dressing madwoman pulled off his tubetop to reveal a hairy chest and performed a series of acrobatic dry-hump leaps that put his bare ass high in the air.

A tough act to follow, no doubt, but the world famous Pontani Family, the subject of Cannes film fest flick Showy and 5 Foot 2, was up to the task. The recipient of fawning press clipping from media outlets such as the Village Voice, USA Today, ABC News and The New York Times and one of burlesque’ most renowned acts, the quartet of three dancers and a lounge singer did their PG-13 thing-thing. Never shimmying out of their modest two-piece outfits, the dark-haired Italiano sistren captivated the captive crowd with immaculately orchestrated pirouettes and chair straddles. Even the lack of protruding nipples and exposed fallopians couldn’t dissuade the applause.

After the event climaxed to a non-ejaculatory conclusion, the restless Bridge ‘n’ Tunnellers surged, reclaiming Avalon for pounding 4/4 time base hits, E-rolling and shabbily-poured Ketel-1 martinis. Luckily, the ever-cagey Thirsty Girl is already scheming on the next showcase. “I'm planning a burlesque boat show in August for the Howl Festival, Circus Days and various other shows in Coney Island,” Gapay forecasts. Investors take note: now is the time to sink your life savings into pastie futures.

For more information on the NYC Burlesque Festival, check the site.

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