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Ask Everlast The former House of Pain frontman knows about both shamrocks and shenanigans. Everlast has seen it all and done it all: Ice-T’s Rhyme Syndicate, House of Pain, a heart attack, a folk singer reincarnation and even a war of words with Eminem. With a new album entitled White Trash Beautiful on the way, there’s no better time for some marvelous flapjacks from Whitey’s and some friendly advice from Everlast. Dear Everlast, One of my husband’s ex-girlfriends has recently begun emailing him. He claims that they’re it’s nothing more than polite chatter, but I still don’t like the idea of her coming back into his life. How can I give her the boot without looking like a control freak? Dear Tiana, Everlast, that's my name. My unique rhyme style's my claim to fame. The House Of Pain's the name of my clique. You can't be down, punk, get off my dick. You make me sick, like Strawberry Quik. Your style is wack, you ain't the mack. So, yo, step back, get off the crack. Dear Everlast, My mother refuses to respect my privacy. She goes through my purse, reads my cell phone records and snoops around in my room. I know she thinks it’s for my own best interests, but how can I get her to trust me? Dear BTS, My name's Everlast, I got the funky rhymes. I make more papers than the LA Times. I don't do lines, but I puff blunts. I don't rock fronts, but I stuff stunts. Dear Everlast, My office Christmas party was a disaster. Not only did I throttle back a dozen cocktails before emptying the contents of my stomach on the dance floor, I also bit a gaping hole in my bosses pants. People are treating me like some sort of leper – or worse, I was accused of being a functional alcoholic. Help brush these haters off! Dear Kevin, The luck of the Irish is about to kick in. Prepare to die and notify your next of kin. I'm goin' all out, buck, duck and call out. That's how I'm livin, punk you better stall out. This is the House of Pain. Dear Everlast, Why is the sky blue, why is water wet, why did Judas grab the Romans while Jesus slept? Dear Vinny, Why ask why? Try Bud Dry. I get fly smoking a Thai, puffin' a blunt, tokin' a spliff, stoppin' any crew that tries to rip. The House Of Pain, Cypress Hill, Funkdoobiest; my girl's on the pill so I can drill and not have to kill an unborn child ‘cause that's just wild. Dear Everlast, I’m not a stalker, but I think I’m getting obsessed with that female in the “Tip Drill” video. It’s not just her enormous vibrating ass; she seems like a nice person. How can I meet her? Dear Gary, Huh. Check it out. Everybody in the house, check it out: The House Of Pain is in full effect. Call me the cornfed, peckerwood, redneck cracker, white bread, shit kicking Irish beat-jacker. Coming with the style of a Celtic rebel -- those who ain't on my level call me the blue eyed devil. Read more articles in Arts » |
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