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Faxe Premium

Denmark

by Staff | 2005.03.12

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Described by our phalanx of tasters as “gentle”, “soft”, “rosy” and “sweet”, Faxe seems mostly reminiscent of suckling on a tender breast. In short, the Danish beer’s feminine character is not necessarily best represented by the Lorenzo Lamas-looking Viking that adorns each can. Then again, the Renegade himself would not be shamed by the jount’s 33.8-ounce Foster’s-trumping volume. Due to its canister size and our detection of a slight hint of Norseman axe-edge crouching behind the bosomy aftertaste, we suspect that four of these could lead an angry night spent plundering, pillaging and razing small trout-fishing villages. Advertised as the number one imported beer in Germany, Faxe’s website provides a hint of what those Steffi Graf-masturbators find so appealing. Instead of that glowering Puerto Rican mascot, we find a mischievous pint-sized Viking who lustily unclasps a maiden’s bra and defends the goal on a foosball table. Besides, since we’re talking about beer and not Jew-extinction hustles, we can surely trust the Krauts. By mighty Odin’s codpiece, we predict a fleet of these Viking vessels will land on the snowy shores of America when all those exiled House DJ’s in Berlin return to New York.

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