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Crying Qaeda

Bush and Bloomberg again conjure up the specter of 9-11 for political gain.

by B.D. | 2005.10.07

If we understand anything about our contemporary terror alert system, it’s that threats of Qaeda activity are always announced at opportune times for the Bush administration. A brief glance backwards indicates this cynicism is not the slurred rambling of a demented conspiracy theorist with a musky “Trust No One” sweatshirt; warnings were issued hours after John Edwards was announced as John Kerry’s running mate, several days after the Democratic Convention and smack-dab during the Republican Convention. Moreover, such alerts have grown more and more common as Bush’s popularity has declined, as each fearful whinny brings a momentary spike of approval.

With the preceding taken into account, let’s look at the timing of Thursday’s dire warning. Iraq is in ruins. New Orleans is an open sore. The nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court has elicited bewilderment and mockery from all quarters, including his normally faithful snake-handling supporters. Karl Rove is scheduled to testify for the fourth time in front of investigators in the Plame leak scandal and indictments are probably forthcoming. Bush’s approval ratings have dwindled to 37 percent, according to most recent polls. Yep, times is tough on the ranch. But lo and behold, several hours after this afternoon’s alert, a quick joyride around the interweb reveals the lead story on Yahoo! News, Google News, CNN, The Washington Post and the New York Times is now the threat to Gotham’s subway. Not war, not hurricanes, not a judicial choice that reeks of Texas cronyism, not treason. Just as they’ve done repeatedly since the 9-11 attacks, a shrill warning of impending Qaeda chaos has given Bush and the crew of his sinking ship a precious air bubble.

It’s also queer that Mayor Bloomberg’s warnings came on the exact same day that President Bush held a hastily-planned speech about – of all things – terror. On Wednesday evening, when it was announced that Bush planned a speech about the “War on Tara” just two days after his lengthy press conference on Tuesday, the timing seemed comically off. Why, in the midst of all this drama, would the President address a topic so unrelated? Hmmm. It doesn’t take a flamboyant homosexual from FIT to see that this was coordinated, much like a fuchsia scarf and a pair of Staple Pigeons. With Bush as lead blocker and Bloomberg as his balls-carrier, the duo was able to ram Qaeda-vision into the weekend news cycle. And how about this: Bloomberg, the billionaire best known as a failed event planner and corporate lubricator, was able to smear dollops of reassuring leadership on every television newscast and newspaper on the same night he refused to join his mayoral challengers for a debate in Harlem. Sweet.

Despite the easy conclusion that Thursday’s alerts were nothing more than politically-motivated horseshit, we’re all aware that New York’s subway system is a desirable target for anyone wishing nuclear winter upon us. And protecting our city’s citizens, filthy and odiferous as many of them are, is a duty that transcends partisan politics. So, as a cautionary measure, let’s swivel an inquisitive eye upon exactly what Bloomberg’s alerts consisted of. From the reports, there were some things that triggered the scary music of Jack Bauer’s cloak ‘n’ dagger world: Iraqi insurgents rendezvousing in the Big Apple, bombs in suitcases, 20-man cells. The phrase that was used to justify the announcement was “specific”. Oh, word? It’s strange that Russ Knocke, a spokesman for Homeland Security, stated the intelligence community had concluded the information was “of little credibility”. Another anonymous counter-terrorism official told the Associated Press that the would-be subway bombardiers possessed documents “similar to what can be found on the internet and a map of New York City”. Just like the time our concerned leaders publicized the nefarious plot against Tri-State financial centers, a terror warning was issued on the strength of unsubstantiated and worthless intel. Shoot, they didn’t even see fit to raise the terror level from its currently cheerful Mandarin orange.

While there are twisted schemers who would like nothing better than to turn the Jay Street-Borough Hall station into a smoking crater littered with burnt "Snowman" T-shirts, the recent terror alert are nothing more than a transparent attempt at frightening both New Yorkers and American citizens. This is Bush, again in the hole, desperately flipping the same crumpled ace on the table for the upteenth time. And this is Bloomberg, proving himself just as sleazy as his Republican brethren. We should be furious. Not bemused or jaded or depressed – but enraged. Our elected officials are manipulating the public via the fear of death, dismemberment and tragedy that they themselves incompetently engendered when they failed to stop Mohammed Atta and his merry band of flight school drop-outs from sailing into the Twin Towers.

When you get on the subway, Bush and Bloomberg want you to nervously eye the Middle Eastern dude with the pillbox hat and the greasy paper bag of $1.50 samosas. They want you to inhale sharply when the train shivers to a stop somewhere in the city’s bowels for no discernable reason. Whenever you enter the iron horse, they want your heart to race, your pulse to quicken, your forehead to shine with beads of sweat. So here’s a quick question: what defines a terrorist? Let’s do the little kid grab-the-dictionary thing: a terrorist is “someone who engages in terror for political gain.”

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